Humanity has been systematically persecuted, programmed and policed away from it’s natural free expression and connection to self over thousands of years. Our natural and raw emotions have been limited for so long that we have almost forgotten how to hear them and what they mean.
The pain we experience and carry on all levels is individual, collective and accumulative throughout time. That’s a lot to navigate, especially when there is so little true regard for emotional realities in our current societal structures.
The scale and depth of my anger has been overwhelming to experience because it is so much larger than just my individual self. In truth, it has been terrifying to fully engage with it and I have resisted feeling it. I’ve been scared by it’s power, by my own power.
Anger is a force like fire. It’s creative and destructive, positive and negative. It can be vital and energising, raw and powerful. In our current human condition it’s a complex experience because it comes in so many forms. From minor daily frustrations to deep-seated resentments or anger at injustice and wrong-doing. Huge anger can be triggerd instantly by the smallest experience.
I would describe the main two qualities of anger I experience as natural anger or distorted anger.
These can be difficult to separate and distinguish, and sometimes they are experienced blended together. In my life I have experienced a lot of both and can highlight what the main differences are for me.
Distorted anger is pain from a wound. It comes from a place of unhealed pain and trauma and I experience it as blame, hate, rage and the desire to damage or destroy. It can be bitter and vengeful. It is a powerful and harmful force. Distorted anger is negatively creative and destructive.
When this anger arrives in me it is shocking and disorienting. It is more than just anger but a subconscious wound talking, or screaming, to be heard and known. There is a message in it. If I stop and feel the pain of the wound behind the anger instead of acting with the anger, it is often not what it seems. Learning to interpret the pain is so important.
My natural anger comes from a deep and authentic place in me. My natural anger is true and passionate. It wants what is right and best for me.
This kind of anger strongly disagrees with being silenced and oppressed. With being lied to. With the abuse of power and authority. With betrayal of trust. It is angered at deception, falseness and any vulnerabilities or innocence being exploited. Natural anger cannot withstand injustice or assault. It is a care-giving and protective force.
My natural anger comes from my heart and soul. It knows right from wrong and will only choose what is right. It has very different qualities than distorted anger and is a positively creative and destructive force. Natural anger has the potential to pierce through lies and illusions both inside and outside of ourselves. It can deconstruct unconscious fears and insecurities. It is a potent force for change and for this reason it can appear threatening and challenging.
Our distorted and natural angers have messages and lessons for us. They are present for a reason. Shunning or repressing them prevents us from standing true in our natural power and instead we can suffer at the hand of our own pain. I have struggled so much in life because I have felt my distorted and natural angers at the same time and I didn’t know what to do with it. It’s been very confusing and has created a great deal of internal conflict and suffering in my experiences.
To address our inner wounds and restore our natural power and self-responsibility is the transformational journey from the wounded warrior to the wise warrior.
More on this at another time…
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